Lessons From Aunt Beck – Lesson #4: Oh, To Be 60 Again

by Becky Morris
continued from August 5, 2009

By the 7th hole, Aunt Beck was kicking our collective butts. The other two women and me were just watching wide-eyed and open-mouthed at her steady approach to the tee box and the ever-so-accurate putts. We were shaking our heads in amazement and by this time we were just making fun of ourselves due to frustration.

As she walked up to tee off, we were having our own private conversation about how we hope to be playing as well as she was at the age of 60, not even contemplating the possibility of playing at 90. Evidently Aunt Beck’s hearing is as accurate as her golf game because right before she hit the ball she stated, “Oh to be 60 again!”

When the three of us heard this we needed to find the nearest port-a-potty because our laughter was out of control. Here we are in our late 40’s early 50’s, worrying about such important things as wrinkle control, menopause, issues at work, kids, grandkids, retirement and everything else under the sun and this woman was just thinking about going back to a place we hadn’t even reached. I can honestly say I never thought I would hear someone make such a statement.

How refreshing to hear someone who has lived for so long who wants 30 more years!

Living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now
At a quarterly gathering last week, our friend and colleague Chris Sopa gave a keynote about relieving stress. One of Chris’ key points was to live in the now. We often spend too much valuable time worrying about all of the “what-ifs” and “could haves” that either might happen in the future or did not happen in the past. She said if we could just stay in the present and focus on the task at hand, how much easier and enjoyable our lives would be.

I am going to borrow an exercise that Chris had us do:

  • Find a piece of paper, sticky note or 3” x 5” card.
  • Across the top write “Don’t believe everything you think”
  • Now write down some limiting thought you may have, i.e. “I will never have enough money to afford (an item that you have always dreamed of having) or I will never be able to lose _____ lbs.”
  • Now turn that around into a positive statement, such as: “People find the money for the things they really want” or “I can lose 2 lbs per week.”

It’s all about our attitudes, understanding our priorities, turning the negatives into positives, facing the challenges head-on, identifying our limiting obstacles – but instead of being defeated, we find all of the possible solutions. How often do you write down the benefits of achieving your goals and then affirm yourself into knowing you can do it?

I never thought I would want to live to 90, but after meeting Aunt Beck it has changed my perspective. The ironic part of all of this is, she was only playing a game she loves and having a casual conversation with an inquisitive partner. Even if I try to tell her, I doubt she will ever fully understand the impact she has had on my life.

And that is often how it is when we meet people at The Intersection of Purpose and Now. Once again, Thank you, Aunt Beck!

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Lessons from Aunt Beck – Lesson #3: Living with No Regrets

by Becky Morris
continued from August 3, 2009

When we got to hole #4, the conversation between Aunt Beck and I was really flowing. We had established a bond. I was asking a lot of questions and Aunt Beck was getting to tell her story and what a phenomenal story it was. I was just trying to soak up as much of her wisdom as she was willing to share. I doubt she even felt she was imparting any wisdom, but she was.

So I asked her this question, “Looking back over your life and the past 90 years, if you had anything to do over, what would it be?

Aunt Beck thought for a few seconds and answered, “Absolutely nothing.”

Now I was expecting a bit more than this. I figured everyone had at least one “mulligan” they would use if they had the opportunity. For me, there was a time I might have had a hard time listening to the Frank Sinatra song “I Did It My Way” because of the line that goes something like, “regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention”. There was a time when I seemed to have a lot of regrets in my life. Regrets like wrong decisions, misused words, time I have wasted, etc.

But as I think about Aunt Beck’s response, I am reminded that every decision I have made seemed like the right decision at the time. So, if I had to do it over again, I would probably make the same decision. Aunt Beck doesn’t need any mulligans, and I won’t either.

I can change the way I view my regrets – “They are life lessons” – and I can appreciate what changed because of those decisions. That’s looking back, but I still have a long way to go until I reach 90. So I can also look ahead with much greater Purpose, with greater intention and, therefore with greater passion for what is right. Put the two perspectives together and when I’m 90 if someone asks, “If you could do anything over, what would it be?” my response will be:

“I would do absolutely nothing over, I don’t have time to do anything over because I have so much yet to do!”

Five Steps to Better Decisions
How can you avoid regrets, especially when it comes to decision making? We believe there is an effective methodology to making great decisions. The process looks like this:

  1. Identify the problem or question – the process of clarifying the problem begins to bring solutions to light and also helps determine how serious the problem is.
  2. Gather and analyze information – this step is absolutely critical if you are going to feel comfortable and confident with a decision.
  3. Develop and choose alternative solutions – after analyzing the information, you will realize that there are a number of choices before you. Rarely does a decision only have one alternative. Keep asking, “What other possibilities are there?” It is far easier to choose the best alternative from many than it is to accept the best answer from among a few.
  4. Take action – decisions are only mental exercises and do not yield results until they are put into action.
  5. Review and evaluate decisions – this will allow you to change or alter your action if the decision is not yielding the right results and it allows you to evaluate your progress as a decision maker and thus improve your decision making ability.

Living with no regrets? Life without mulligans? I believe it is very possible. I don’t have time for regrets, because I have too much I still want to do.

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I Want to Leave a Legacy

There are more Lessons from Aunt Beck coming this week, but today we want to remind our readers of the express purpose for this blog.

We are always looking to learn from your stories about living at The Intersection of Purpose and Now, as well as give you practical guidance on how to live the remarkable life that is calling you. One who tells this story well is singer Nichole Nordeman with her song “Legacy”. Read and take in the lyrics, enjoy the YouTube video, blip and Twitter the song to others. Most of all, consider the message and join us at The Intersection.

Lyrics to Legacy, by Nichole Nordeman

I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who’s who and so-n-so’s that used to be the best
At such ‘n such…it wouldn’t matter much

I won’t lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an “Atta boy” or “Atta girl”
But in the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides
the temporary trappings of this world

Chorus:
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don’t have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It’s an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon destroy

Chorus

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, “Well done” good and faithful one

Chorus

I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me

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