Leadership: The Difference Between Happiness and Misery

“The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another. . . Some of those situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others: but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse from the horror of our own injustice.” 
— Adam Smith (The Theory of Moral Sentiments)

Our circumstances have far less impact on our happiness than we think. Happiness is not a derivation of the choice you make; it comes from how you feel about the choice you make.  In fact, the assumption of happiness may even determine the choice you make – an ultimate a priori choice. Further, effective leadership is determined a priori to the choice you make about your circumstance, how you feel about it, and how it affects others.  

“Human beings have this marvelous adaptation that they can actually have experiences in their heads before they try them out in real life. ~Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness.

Your every circumstance has the potential either to produce hope, leave you longing for hope, or doom you to misery because you have no hope.  But this potential does not lie in the circumstance. The potential lies within you and your capacity for hope, regardless of circumstance.  A leader’s hope can be contagious. A leader’s hope precedes circumstance.

A common question of a leader in any circumstance will be, “What else is possible?

Hope is the outcome of conceived possibilities that transcend circumstance – the expectation of positive outcomes regardless of current hardship.  When we are able to see our circumstances in a new way, this creates new possibilities for action and outcome, and this creates hope.

Leaders have hope.  Leaders exude hope.  Leaders instill hope.  Leaders have the responsibility to interpret circumstance and shape circumstance, creating a context of hope. Leaders conceive a better future in any circumstance. When a leader is able to help people see circumstances in a new way, possibilities emerge, hope is born, as is collective genius and innovation.

Greater possibilities emerge from a leader with hope.

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” ~Oscar Wilde


But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure.” ~Romans 8: 25 (Amplified Bible)

“Since everything here today might well be gone tomorrow, do you see how essential it is to live a holy life?” ~2 Peter 3:11 (The Message)

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This reminds me of the parable about “All the Wisdom in the World”:

There was a young king wanted to be absolutely sure that he managed the affairs of his kingdom properly.  So he drew together all the sages, soothsayers and wise men of his kingdom together, and he said, “Go forth and find all the wisdom of the world. Collect this wisdom, summarize it for me, and bring to me the wisdom of the world. I want to see it; I want to read it; I want to know it.”

And the wise sages worked for many months, and they brought back to him scrolls and scrolls of what they called the Wisdom of the World, the pithy sayings of the world. The volume of scrolls was so heavy, it took a dozen of the wise men to carry them to the young king.

And they said, “This is it; this is the wisdom of the world.”

And the king looked at it, and he said, “This is good. Thank you. This is wonderful, but it is too much information to know.  Can you reduce this, like a fine French sauce? Reduce it to maybe a single volume.”

And so they went back, and they worked, and they worked, and they worked for several months, and they brought back a single volume of the best of the wisdom of the world. And they said, “This is it.”

And the young king took the single scroll, and he held it gingerly in his hands, and he thumbed through it, and he read it for a little while, and after a couple of weeks he brought his wise men back together, and he said, “This again is good. But what I really would like for you to do is to reduce the wisdom of the world even further. Leave out anything that is not necessary. Can you put all the wisdom in the world in a sentence?”

And they said, “We don’t know. We don’t know if we can do this.”

And so finally after many more months of work, all the sages, soothsayers and wise men came back to him, and they had come to a unanimous conclusion that the wisdom of the world could be put into a four-word sentence.

The sentence of their wisdom was: “This too shall pass.”

The young king was elated. “This sentence expresses much! It is chastening in the hour of pride and consoling in the depths of afflictions,” he said.  “This is the wisdom by which I will rule my kingdom.”

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In the TEDTalks video below, author Dan Gilbert gives us a “test” about happiness. One choice is winning a $314 million lottery; the other is becoming a paraplegic. Which would you choose? (I have a strong hunch.) In fact, data demonstrates lottery winners and paraplegics are equally happy one year after winning the lottery or losing the use of their legs. Watch the video in its entirety, as Dan Gilbert describes “impact bias”, the concepts of natural and synthetic happiness, and how circumstances “have far less impact, less intensity and much less duration than people expect them to have.

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Core Values (or placebos?)

“As we grow as a company, it has become more and more important to explicitly define the core values from which we develop our culture, our brand, and our business strategies.”  ~Zappos

Core Values.  We write and talk about them a lot these days. We plaster them on our desks and walls.  But do we really understand them?  Do we live by them?  We say, “What is most important to you?”  “What are our core values?”  “We need to determine our core values.”

“Through the years these simple, yet powerful values have continually guided our decision making as well as our interactions with our clients and each other.” ~William D. Green, Chairman, Accenture

Here is a test: What are your core values?  

Quick now, write them down.  Can’t do it, can you.  At least, most people cannot.  You may say, “My values are implicit; I’ve never written them down.”  “Well, I try to live by the Golden Rule.” (Really? What about the people who don’t want to be treated the way you like to be treated?)  You probably can recite the values of the organization for which you work more readily than you an cite your own core values.

Core values underlie who we are, what we do and why we do it – even if we are unaware of our guiding values.  When we stay “true to our values” others can determine that we represent exactly who we say we are.  Therefore, being cognizant of and intentional about our values is important. Values are the source of integrity.  Living a value-driven life requires courage.  Yet, very few individuals really have considered the values around which their character, behavior, decision-making, priorities and plans are determined.

Teach For America‘s core values reflect how we as an organization want our staff to operate, individually and collectively. Our core values are central to our culture and represent the style of operating that we believe to be critical for moving us most quickly and purposefully toward our goals.”

While there are many examples of organizations that really are defined by their core values, my concern is that many more merely have “completed the exercise” of writing core values, or stated values are lost in translation into the daily attitudes and habits of behavior of daily interaction with customers and colleagues.  (Maybe it’s because they don’t understand the value of Core Values in the first place?  The National Park Service at least provides a great explanation.)

Seth Godin recently asked us to “Meet the ethical placebo: a powerfully effective faux medication that meets all the standards of informed consent.”  I think this well-known medical research practice, which Godin abstrusely connects to marketing, also might apply to values, however.  That’s why I encourage people to try practicing a “Value a Day“.  Whether the value is real for you now or not, intentionally focusing your daily choices with a specific value in mind will eventually lodge that value at the core of your being.

In other words – whether you are known for them already or aspire to them daily – Core Values are your ticket to The Intersection of Purpose and Now.
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Is Your "Big But" Getting in Your Way?

“Side trips and ego trips are fun, but they keep me from reaching my intended destination within the time I have to work with.”

Consider a brief case study:

I just got off the phone with my good friend, an all-around great guy and long-time coaching client who I’ll call “Jim” for the sake of this blog.  

Jim is a career salesman near 60 years old, and he has conquered more than one industry.  Currently, Jim sells “branded products” which most of us would call “bells and whistles”, “shirts, yardsticks and pens” or “promotional marketing”.  He not only is a highly successful salesperson, in the past couple of years he has achieved his goal of becoming a sales coach for others in his company and has quickly developed a great reputation as a sales coach who helps others sell more.  He now owns the title of Director of Sales Training for his top 5 company and he is helping them grow in tangible ways with the bottom-line metrics to prove it.

I’ve written about Jim beforeJim wants to lose about 100 pounds, eliminate a $100,000 debt and become a $1 million salesperson, along with achieving his vision of “Encouraging People to Thrive… not just Survive” through training and coaching his colleagues in sales.  He is making progress on all fronts, but not at the rate he wants.

We had a little fun on today’s call, by rather crassly referring to the “Big Butt” that is between him and his goal weight.  We discovered together that perhaps “Big Buts” are the primary obstacles between him and most of his goals.  

Jim makes excuses. (Do You?) 
He readily acknowledges both his current behavior and results, then follows with a “Big But” about his circumstances or how his goal is to change things by next week, next month, next quarter, next year…  I have to admit, I have come to listen for and expect Jim’s next “Big But”.  But, (pardon the “Big Pun”) I know what Jim is capable of achieving, too.  He has unlimited potential, just like you.

These “Big Buts” really hit home with Jim when I put on my “tough coach” hat and suggested that he “sounds an awful lot like the average $250,000 sales people he is coaching rather than the $1 million coach he wants to become.” . . . I think Jim is watching out for his “Big Buts” now, too.

I quoted Jim from a statement he made two weeks ago: “Side trips and ego trips are fun, but they keep me from reaching my intended destination within the time I have to work with. I am allowing circumstances to define my results.” He was a bit shocked that he was still addressing the same subject from two weeks ago, then recognized he’s been stuck in this comfort zone issue of “Big Buts” for years. We just didn’t have the right name for it!

Is Your “Big But” Getting in Your Way?
What are you trying to achieve?  Do you have journal entries, a coach, a friend or family member that confirm how long you’ve been stuck in a comfort zone that you continue (and continue and continue…) to say is UNcomfortable? Do you have a means of holding you accountable about your “Big Buts”?

Do you have a “Big But” that keeps separating Who You Are from Who You Say You Want to Be?

“Big Buts” won’t get you to The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

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