You Can’t Do Anything with a Broken "Want to" – Part One

Posted on May 20, 2009 by pdncoach

by Mark Sturgell

I help people who dream become leaders with vision. There is a difference, you know.

Everyone has dreams, although I am always amazed at how FEW dreams most people have, and how they lose their dream capability at a surprisingly early age. Few people turn their dreams into personal vision and then do what is necessary to achieve that vision.

This week, I will share important ideas that determine whether your dreams will become your vision for life, or remain just idle dreams that are all too often lost amidst the clutter of living.

Lesson No. 1 – Dream Big
Everyone has dreams. Dreams are built on hope for your future. I ask my clients to keep an inventory of their dreams, and when we first get started coaching, I ask them to push themselves to list at least 100 dreams (yes, put ink on paper!).

The typical first reaction to this assignment, no matter one’s age, is something like “Are you kidding? I can’t even think of five or ten dreams right now!”

That’s the problem: we don’t dream nearly enough. When we do dream, our dreams are limited. We don’t Think Big in three significant ways:

  1. We have too few dreams.
  2. Our dreams are too small.
  3. We dream with a broken “want to”.

Some people stopped dreaming early in life; dreaming was “you’ve-got-to-be-kidding” and “What-is-your-back-up-plan?” out of them. They struggle with dreaming anything beyond the destination of their next vacation. Some people dream too small. They dream of finding the perfect job, rather than mastering the opportunity right in front of them. They dream of their “15 minutes of fame” when they could be dreaming of a lifetime of significance. Some people dream, but with a broken “want to.” They can list 100 or more dreams, but never quite get their feet and hands, let alone their hearts and souls, into pursuing anything that might truly require them bring to bear their most passionate efforts.

First, about those of us who don’t dream enough, here is your assignment:

Starting today begin a list of your dreams. Do not stop until you have at least 100 dreams listed. This may take you a couple of weeks.

That’s right, get ’em all down…installing those replacement windows, becoming a lay leader in your church, riding your Harley through all 50 states, becoming a chef, writing your first book… They are your dreams and none are too small or trivial, too large or significant. List them all starting NOW.

Now I realize this is much easier to accomplish through ongoing coaching, and if we can help you with that just let us know. But if you need a little dream stimulation, click on the following links for some helpful “Dream Stimulation” tools: Dare to Dream and Dream Ideas.

If you find it helpful, here are just a few entries on my own Dream Inventory:

  • to be a father whose children are comfortable coming to me with anything, when they need or want to
  • to directly affect the lives of 100 leaders each year, who each, in turn, will affect the lives of at least ten others
  • to help churches develop strategic youth ministries that extend beyond the talents and tenure of a single ministry director or pastor
  • to have the courage to take action now on the things that are most important to me and, ultimately, to God
  • to be “resident tourists” with my wife upon retirement in Washington, D.C. and other locations
  • to convert from PC to Apple

That’s it for now. check back to The Intersection of Purpose and Now for the next installment of You Can’t Do Anything with a Broken “Want to”

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Keep Your Fire Burning

Posted on May 15, 2009 by pdncoach

by Becky Morris

Attending a conference of colleagues, for me, is both inspiring and rejuvenating. It is an opportunity to reconnect with old friends, hear new ideas, discover what tactics are being effective and reconfirm my belief in what I do and why I do it. My goal is to actually do things better as a result of having attended. I recently returned from such a professional conference that I attend quarterly with colleagues from all over the country. But we all know what happens. We come home; we return to work; we get back into our routine and we lose the momentum we gained in those few short days.

In fact, we can lose much more than momentum. Think about a workshop, seminar, conference or “inspirational” program you have attended – a “good” one. What happens the next day? What about two days later? What about two weeks later? What about two months later? Remember anything from the program? Maybe. Apply anything from the program? Not likely.

In our research, we have asked hundreds of people what their experience is following a typical “learning event”, which includes all those personal development and inspirational examples listed earlier. The response is almost unanimous: the next day “stuff” gets in the way, the handouts get thrown into a file (at best), no one cares what you’re talking about when you try to share what you’ve learned and soon (in about 16 days, according to our research) only about two percent of the information is retained – information you invested your valuable time and hard-earned money to gain. Two percent profit. Two percent return-on-investment. It’s not “all for naught”, but mighty close to it.
Knowing that this loss of value from learning investments is a very real possibility for me as well, I have asked myself what I need to do differently to prevent this “brain drain” from happening. The whole thing reminds me of the movie “Castaway” starring Tom Hanks. Tom is deserted and alone on a small island after a fatal plane crash. He struggles to start a fire and when he finally gets that first spark, his life depends on keeping the fire burning.

…So I began to do some research on how fires continue to burn. According to what I read, there are three basic elements to start a fire:

  1. Air or Oxygen,
  2. Fuel (wood, paper, petrol, dry branches, etc)
  3. Ignition (striking a match or bringing heat from another source, i.e. lightning or another fire).

If you remove any of these three things, you will either not start a fire or cause your fire to go out.
So how might these same three basic elements “keep my fire burning” after learning something new?

Air or oxygen – the life of the fire.
I know that what I do makes a significant difference for others. Having an opportunity to guide someone through a decision making process, helping them construct an action plan that moves them from the present to the desired future, walking them through a goal setting process that allows them to define and remove all obstacles, determine appropriate action steps, the rewards from accomplishing this goal and the belief that they can. This is what brings me alive.

Fuel – the tangibles.
My fuel is the interaction I have with other human beings. I do not see everyone I meet as a potential client; however, I relish the idea of meeting new people, getting to know them, hearing their story. I believe everyone has a story and this is something that we all forget from time to time. Not only do we have a story, but the chances are very great that, by sharing pieces of our story, we can help someone else walk through something in their own lives.

Ignition – What is my “fire starter”?
Activity gives life to my business. What is the best way to spend my time? What creates the most business for me? Is it cold calling, networking, joining organizations? How can I breathe more life into my business? I believe it is important to be strategic about the activity in which I am engaged. I can fool myself into thinking I am busy because I am doing stuff (going to events, making phone calls, etc.); however, if this is just random activity, it rarely produces any results. The right activity produces the right actions, which lead to the right results.

Lighting a fire is an intentional act.
Keeping the fire lit requires just as much intention.
Now what will you do to keep your fire burning?

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Posted in Becky Morris, inspiration, inspiring, intention, personal development | Leave a comment

Do You See What I See?

Posted on May 14, 2009 by pdncoach


By Becky Morris:


I am not my sister.

I am not sure why I feel compelled to say it, but “my sister and I do not look alike”. My sister is several years younger than I. We have a very close relationship, but in all actuality look very little alike. She has curly hair, I have straight. She has blue eyes, I have hazel. Our faces are shaped differently; in fact, there is very little about us that truly resemble one another. However, people are constantly getting us confused and some ask us if we are twins. This perplexes both of us and we have a difficult time understanding exactly what others are seeing.

I wonder: What is it that people are seeing that makes us look alike in their eyes? Why do we spend so much time telling people what our differences are rather than our similarities? What is so hard about accepting the fact that others think we look alike? If I am focused on assuring that I am not my sister, might that keep me from affirming what or who I am?

In fact, if I am focused on assuring that I am NOT something, might that keep me from affirming who I am or what I aspire to be?

What, this old thing?

Does anyone ever come up to you and give you a compliment or make a positive comment and your response is trying to tell them differently? What if we saw what they are seeing? Why do we try so hard to make them see the differences? What value would it bring to our lives if we saw what they saw? What if we were more accepting of their observations rather than respond with the proverbial “Are you kidding me?”

If you are working on making positive changes in your life, could you use the comments of others and turn them into positive affirmations for yourself?


When working with our clients we stress the power of affirmations. By definition, affirmations are “positive statements, to assert as valid or confirmed” (Merriam-Webster). We state that an affirmation is a positive statement that reinforces what you believe to be true. We believe that affirmations should have the following qualities:

  • Affirmations should be positive
  • Affirmations should be stated in the first person singular
  • Affirmations should be within the realm of your capacity to believe (realistically high)
  • Affirmations should be directly related to your goals, your values, your mission or purpose
  • If your affirmation includes something that you cannot currently believe or only achieve sporadically but it states a quality that you want to achieve consistently, then emphasize how you will feel or be when you achieve that quality. (For example, “I love how I feel when …”)


I am not my sister. But the next time someone comments on how much I look like my sister, my response is going to be “Thank you. Isn’t she beautiful?”

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Posted in affirmation, Becky Morris, focus | Leave a comment