Leadership, Expression and the Influence Matrix

Posted on December 31, 2012 by pdncoach

Leadership starts with authentic self-expression that adds value through relationships.

This is one of my leadership core values. It helps me be more discerning about my relationships and my role in those relationships. Among other applications, I have taught it to my boys since they were young.  Countless times I have reminded them (I’m guessing they would say a nauseating number of times) to be authentic and positive in their thoughts, words and actions, and to look for the same in others.

“You are either influencing others or they are influencing you, and each point of influence is either positive or negative; there is never a neutral influence. So you might as well learn to focus on being a positive influence or look for positive influences in all your relationships.”

Never a neutral influence? Is this true? Does it matter if neutral influences exist or not if they serve no purpose? “Neutral influence” is an oxymoron, isn’t it?

There are four distinct quadrants on my Influence Matrix below. Each quadrant represents a broad distinction of how expression and Influence affects Relationship. I am not so naive to assert that relationships are this distinctive, but it is helpful to think of your leadership influence being this distinctive.

Every relationship can move from quadrant to quadrant at any time; there are no “bright lines” of distinction separating the direction or amount of influence in a relationship. (I wish there were such clear distinctions; relationships in general would be so much more simple!) In fact, that’s why this is an Influence matrix and not a Relationship matrix. The influence of a relationship may endure beyond the life of the relationship itself.

Obviously, a leader adds value in Quadrants I and II. That does not make Quadrant IV bad. Quadrant IV is paramount to growth; it is the quadrant of mentors, role models and coaching. Quadrant IV can be a positive growth area for any leader. The more receptive you are about Quadrant IV relationships, the more likely you are to grow as a leader. Further, if you do NOT feel that you have any relationships that require some work in Quadrant IV, you are likely not growing as a leader as you could.

Quadrant III relationships are problematic but should not be ignored. You have a choice to follow, to walk away, to stay the same (destructive) course, or to “reset” your assumptions and attitudes. The latter choice creates the potential to drive new behaviors on your part that, hopefully, will produce positive results for both of you. That is the work of a leader.

Be authentic in your expressions of leadership, which include all that you say and do. To be your most effective self, be intentional about your positive influence on others and receptive to their positive influence on you. Through your relationships you are either adding value in your marriage and family, at work, and in your community – or you are not. There is no neutral ground.

Join me at the Intersection of Purpose & Now.
Posted in authentic, communications, influence, Influence Matrix, leadership, measure of a leader, relationships | Leave a comment

How Intentional Are Your Holiday Thoughts, Feelings and Habits?

Posted on December 17, 2012 by pdncoach

I am struck by the number of friends who say they dread Christmas or get overwhelmed during the holidays.

For some, the holiday season brings up bad memories of the past, from childhood upbringing to the anniversary of a death. Christmas or any annual event that is meant to turn the memory of something good into a tradition can become a tradition of avoiding a memory of something bad.  This will be the case for Christmas 2012 for far too many.

For others, it seems they infuse their holiday conversations with confessions of all the decorating, shopping, wrapping, card-writing,  party-going, cooking, etc. that they want to do, do, do. Christmas becomes little more than an annual pressure-packed “Do” list. After all, you want to please.

There is a reason no one offers holiday greetings of “Guilt and remorse to all, and to all a sleepless night!” Isn’t there?

I do not belittle painful memories or those who own them. Grief is agonizing, especially when you have lost something you cannot replace.  Conversely, I appreciate those who want everything to be “just right” for holiday celebrations, as long as preparations don’t erase any chance for real celebration. I would like to help people recognize they have a choice about how they feel and what they do about their circumstances, even in the wake of tragedy; even when feeling nothing sounds better than what they feel now. The path to joy may take many small steps.

This is merely prelude to my topic this week, which I will introduce in the form of a declaration I heard from a client last week:

“I know what I want to accomplish that week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.”

This can be a defining statement and a limiting declaration. This may be a familiar statement to many hard-working, driven professionals who have a hard time relaxing and carving out necessary “me time” or Sabbath time.

There is nothing wrong with being intentional about what you want to do during the holiday season or any other time. In fact, I encourage you to act with intention and purpose, even if your purpose is to relax with a glass of wine, meditate deeply for an hour, or jump in the car and just drive without care for a route or destination. Yes, it is possible to rest and even wander on purpose! I love to meander and do so with intention; it is often those times when I really find myself at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

What do I want to accomplish; what do I want to do?  Allowing a “Do” list to be your sole intention could leave you feeling incomplete, overwhelmed, even sad and grieving a festive season. So I encourage you to include these declarations in your holiday planning:

I know how I want to feel…  (this Christmas)

I know who I want to be… (this Christmas) 

I know where I want to serve… (this Christmas) 

I know what I want to have… (that is non-material things, this Christmas)  

How could your holiday traditions be different, or even more fulfilling, with these affirmations in addition to I know what I want to do…? How might they help you add a new layer of positive memories that eventually supersede the dreaded old ones? How might these additional distinctions lead to your greater happiness and sense of purpose year-round?

Schedule some time to “fill in the blanks” and complete each of these declarations for yourself.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas…may it be merry and bright!

Join me at the Intersection of Purpose & Now.
Posted in affirmation, Christmas, grief, holidays, intention, memories, New Year, Purpose, questions | Leave a comment

Questions to Make Next Year GREAT!

Posted on December 10, 2012 by pdncoach

Now is an excellent time to reflect on your past accomplishments and begin planning for your next big year! Here are some questions to get your planning started:

  1. What were your two or three most significant accomplishments, breakthroughs, and/or achievements this year?
  2. What (if anything) blocked or held you back from achieving more?
  3. Knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?
  4. As you look forward to the New Year, what has to happen in your life, both personally and professionally, for you to feel happy with your progress?
    • What dangers (challenges, obstacles) do you have now that need to be eliminated;
    • What opportunities need to be captured,
    • What strengths need to be maximized?
  5. What specific actions must you take to achieve this GREAT year? (When, on your calendar, will you take these actions?)

Answer these questions for yourself and feel free to share the answers with me. I am here to strategize with you on how you can get where you want to go!

Join me at the Intersection of Purpose & Now.
Posted in #therightquestions, career planning, goals, New Year, planning, questions, strategic planning, The Right Questions | Leave a comment